Beautiful Ugliness
by twinchopsticks
Summary: A closed casket...a fond memory...a desired one last look...is it worth seeing him one last time? Even in death? T for themes. AntonioxLovino one-shot edit: title change


**_**_EDIT: I changed the title because it bugged me, plus it made no sense. At the time I had no idea what to call it so I just kinda came up with it. This title makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE _**_**

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><p>"Hm? Hello there! What's your name…?"<p>

Do you remember that one time, when Summer's potential bloomed, when the roses burst into beautiful globs of color? Do you remember that one time when the clouds were pearly white, as they glided lazily across the azure blue sky; while the trees gossiped amongst themselves, their leaves chattering in the breeze? Tell me…do you remember…the day we met?

_A large array of flowers…lined in a pretty straight row. Ribbons fluttered mournfully in the melancholy wind. The purples, the blues, the reds and oranges. Yellows, pinks, greens and whites… All the colors seemed sad that day. Their usually perky and giddy demeanor took a break that day, as they accompanied all in the silence. Hands brushed the shiny metallic surface, pressing kisses and caressing its flawless top. His daunting presence apologetically sat upon its pedestal, as though watching them through the cushioned, God protected walls._

Oh what a charming day that was~! Everything was just perfect. Mother had so kindly escorted me to the park that I had begged her to take me to. It's intricate playground enticed me enough to want to play on it all day. The shiny new monkey bars, the sweet fresh new sandbox, all the strange obstacles that were so boldly challenging my abilities…it was all there.

Yet within the mix of excitement of new metal, I happened to wander over to the peaceful part of the park. You remember this yes?

_The small crowd briefly stood at his side. Looking down nonchalantly at the blank surface that reflected their expressionless face._

_One rose…two roses…three roses… All placed atop the surface._

_Good-bye, my boy. Good-bye. It was quite an experience to know you. Your unique voice, ringing through their ears, with all of your colorful language. That sleek way you dressed, from head-to-toe. All the latest designs had dressed your angelic body. From Gucci to Prada. You'd worn it all. Those seductive green eyes, that only paid attention to things of interest… That mischievous smirk…that attitude of confidence and pride…all those micro-expressions of theatric passion… Why could they not see you…?_

"Why are you hiding here?" I had asked, staring you down in curiosity.

You hid yourself behind a lilac bush, clutching a stuffed squirrel. Your eyes were trembling as your figure coiled around yourself…

"I'm not hiding!" you protested bitterly, "I'm…concealing myself."

Your nose flew up in the air in protest, your beautiful olive green eyes squeezing themselves shut. I could only laugh. Remember what you did after I laughed? You frowned! Why would you frown at someone who's laughing? Ah…perhaps you thought I was laughing at _you_. Was that it? Was that the reason you frowned?

"So…what is your name?" I continued, seating myself next to you.

So what if I had no invitation?

"I'm not telling you, jerk," you snorted. Your beautiful rusty-colored hair shimmered in the light that seeped through the thickets of the lilac, and I so desperately wanted to well…pet it. I remember wanting to pet you.

_Why could they not gaze upon your peaceful face? Your eyes closed, your lips slightly turned upwards in a still knowing smirk, with your face still a bit rosy as if you were still there… What happened? Why could they not see you?_

_It couldn't have been because…you were brutally slaughtered. It couldn't have been because that spawn of Satin had so mercilessly sliced that knife through your neck. It couldn't have been because that same knife had shredded your body to ribbons, your blood painting and spattering against the walls of your home. As you struggled against him, your screams muted by the claustrophobic walls of your once protective home, your face was torn to bits. Chunks of your face and body dropping carelessly to the ground as your attacker laughed in triumph. As your life was being swallowed by a sea of your own blood, while he shoved the metal deeper and deeper into your torso…no one could help you. No one was there. Once again, I believe you took another stab to the back. As he deeply ran the blade past your ribs, he shoved the metallic object down, causing your back to split in half… I'm pretty sure…you could hear yourself being torn in two. Incurable wounds inflicted on your beautiful figure…disfiguring you…hurting you…could that be why…?_

_Is that the only reason they wouldn't let them see you?_

"I'll tell you my name if you tell me yours," I bargained.

I shifted so I could get a better look at your face. Ooh how cute it was too! Blushing cheeks puffed out, as if you had stuffed your mouth full of marshmallows. Those marshmallows were as round and red as little tomatoes too! Long eyelashes fluttering when you blinked, I automatically envied your beauty after seeing that… They seemed so fragile…haha… In fact, you seemed so fragile as a whole. Oh! And I definitely remember your little pout! That was absolutely to _die_ for. That adorable, irresistible pout that made me want to hug you, and never let go. I remember that so well.

You clung to your apparently beloved squirrel, averting eyes.

"_Me llamo Antonio!_" I introduced, pointing my thumb towards me, "Now it's your turn."

Oh…that's when you decided not to talk again. What a shame. I really wanted to know your name-but you wouldn't let me know! Would you really make me beg? I remember wanting to know if your name suited such an adorable little person like you. Perhaps it was Spanish, like mine. Fernando, or Juan…or maybe it was something prettier! Like a French name or something!

"Please? Tell me your name!" I whined.

"No."

"But why?"

"Because I don't wanna tell a dummy like you."

"I'm not dumb!"

"Uh-huh! Dummy!"

"Fine then. If you won't tell me your name, I'll name you myself. Your name is now Tomato."

"_Can I see him?" the voice was raspy, and fatigued. Yet clear as a bell it rang._

_Oh…oh no… Did he really ask such a question? The flowers seemed to cower down after he had spoke…their petals wilting just the slightest. He stepped closer, placing a firm hand on the top._

"_Please…can I see him?" he asked again._

_Glances were exchanged, while panicked looks hopped from one face to another. Hands clutched other hands, while murmurs began to stir._

"_Please! I want to see him!" the man cried this time._

_His emerald green eyes hungrily searched for those silver latches. Those silver locks that would forever conceal his love. His hands trembled violently as they fumbled around the box…searching…feeling…_

_People began to watch in desperation, as the man was about to do the unthinkable._

"_Someone! Stop him!"_

"_Antonio-don't!"_

"_Hurry…! You can't-"_

"_Oh God!"_

_Beads of sweat began to form at a chocolaty hair line. His throat began to become parched. Oh…now he couldn't see…the poor man. He could only rely on his sense of feel as tears began to well in his eye sockets. The salty substance built a watery wall, causing the man's eyes to sting, yet he was unwilling to blink. He didn't want to disturb him…no…he just…wanted to see him._

Immediately, your head swerved and glaring ominous green eyes pierced through my soul! Oh what line have I crossed now!

" _My name is __**not**__ Tomato, you stupid head! My name is Lovino!_" you snarl evilly, shoving your face in mine, "_Lovino Vargas! __**Not**__ Tomato!_"

"Oh! Lovi! What a great name!"

"What! 'Lovi'? ! What in the world is a Lovi!" you demand, your voice rising in anger.

"You! That's your nick name," I say matter-of-factly.

I remember then you hit me. You hit me so hard that I'm pretty sure you didn't even use your hand… Oh that's right. My bad. I remembered wrong… You didn't hit me. You _head butted_ me. Right in the stomach too! Ohh…my tummy hurt the rest of the day! Mother had to give me soup too later that day because it was so sore. Also…a strange screeching noise rang loudly in my ear as you decided to head butt the daylight out of me.

"_Chigiiii!_"

Oh yes! That was the noise!

"_L-Let me see him! Please?" he pleaded pathetically, hands still searching for the latches._

_He blubbered and sputtered out nonsense…as a terrified crowd watched. No one dared to do anything, as he rattled the casket. He would turn it over if he had to…just to get a glimpse…_

_If he were someone else…it would've been a piece of cake to grab him and drag him away…but…this was not someone else… This was Antonio._

_This was Lovino's most important person in the world. And said important person was asking so kindly to just look at his dear one more time. Just…just one more time, before the Mother Earth took him into her cradling arms of soil. Just one more look. That's all he asked. No one should be denied a last good-bye…right?_

_But-but when…when that person is butchered and horribly disfigured beyond recognition…is it really worth it? Did he really want to see his angel in such a state…?_

I tumbled backwards, clutching my stomach.

"Ow!" I cried, "Ow, ow, _owww_! Lovi-that was so mean!"

"My name isn't Lovi! It's Lovino!" you spat, uncaring of my injury.

You coiled back up under the shade of the lilac, hugging your squirrel as I continued to writhe in pain.

"…Dummy," I heard you mutter.

I continued to wriggle, trying to figure out what to do with myself, before I remembered feeling your hands grab my own. You stood and hauled me up, groaning as you struggled with my weight. (after all, I was a good year older than you) Leaning your weight backwards, heels scraping the dirt, you managed to pull me up.

"There. Now you're up," you say the obvious.

I brushed myself off, concerned that Mother would scold me for getting my new shorts dirty. But then I smiled. I smiled one of the biggest smiles I could muster. Lovino had touched me! He had held my hand! He had helped me up when I was down!

Now what friend wouldn't do that? Wait…did that mean Lovi and I were friends? I remembered hoping so. I remembered my heart fluttering about in my chest.

Do you remember that moment, darling? Do you remember that?

"We should play together," I invited, grasping his hand.

It was a long shot…but maybe this plan of mine could work! Maybe the universe would be nice to me today, and allow me to befriend this already intriguing boy I had found behind the lilac bush.

"B-but…! I don't like to play on those things!" you exclaim. Your hand is still within mine.

"Eh? Why not?"

"They're-they're big things…and I could die if I fell off one!"

"You won't die! I promise! I'll protect you!"

And so my oath of protection was made. Do you remember that? Do you remember nodding after a moment of thought, and do you remember the first time we played…?

"_Let me see him!" he screamed. He still failed to find the latches… Tears steadily cascaded down his face, as he desperately tried to unlock the casket._

_Finally, two men grasped his arms, and they began to drag him away._

"_Stop! I say stop it, Antonio!" demanded the first, his stark red eyes glaring menacingly. Though the effect did not work, as his friend still struggled._

"_Gilbert-It's not working…" the second man said sadly, keeping a strong hold on the left side._

"_I don't care-we have to-"_

"_No! Let me go! I want to see him! One more time! __**Please! Please!**__"_

"_Why? He's-he's…! He's bad right now! He doesn't look the same! He's bruised and cut up-Antonio don't do this to yourself!" the second explained desperately._

"_Francis is right, Toni!" Gilbert added in a fake optimistic tone, "You don't want to see him when he's so…bad looking…"_

"_I-I don't care! He's still beautiful! He's so beautiful! Even-even in death! My Lovino is the most beautiful thing in this world! And I want to see him one last time!"_

_Hysterical screams echoed through ought the cemetery. People gasped and silently moved to the sidelines…watching in utter agony as Antonio was drug away, like a criminal being shoved into prison. He struggled and refused, kicking and punching…until finally even more reinforcement had to take place. Ludwig, a very strong man, had to step in to lift up Antonio's legs, where the trio carried the distraught Spaniard away…away from just one last glimpse. It pained them to know, they were dragging Antonio away…from his last chance to caress his lover's face, to be able to kiss his forehead and kiss him good-bye. But it was for his own good…wasn't it?_

Then we played. Do you remember playing with me? We had…such a great time…such fun… Swinging and climbing…

Do you remember…and would you agree…that's the moment you decided to live your life with me?

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><p><strong><em><span>EDIT: <span>I changed the title because it bugged me, plus it made no sense. At the time I had no idea what to call it so I just kinda came up with it. This title makes SO MUCH MORE SENSE _  
><strong>

**Think about it: would you rather see your favorite person butchered up and cold and dead...just to see them one last time? Or would you rather spare yourself the horror of seeing your beloved's body in such a terrible state? ...**

**My grandfather is currently dying. This is kind of inspired by his life. I'm not sure if I want to see him in such a state...so sick...and stuck in another time in his life. I dont think he remembers me because he's stuck in the past...but...i think...i'd still like to see him, even if he's in such a terrible state. just to see him...one more time. you know?**

**so that inspired this haha... ah man. this was...intense. k i'll stop spamming your computer screen. i dont care if it's good writing or not. im expressing my emotions towards my grandfather. writing about antonio and lovino's first meeting, and their last...**

**R&R**

**Love you all who review!**

**-TC**

**hetalia doesnt belong to me**


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